Can you believe that gorgeous blonde Jess isn’t happy with God’s gifts to her? Do you want to switch up your body parts like Jess?

I guess none of us are satisfied with the bodies we’re born with! Jessica Simpson told the UK’s Closer magazine that she’d like to take pounds off her chest and apply them to her booty.

“I have a white girl booty. I don’t have a big butt,” she told the mag. “I’d rather have a happy medium and take some off my chest and put it towards my butt so I could balance out a bit.”

You know, Jess — this is exactly the sort of honesty on a tough subject that would make you the perfect choice for a new American Idol judge.

Love how you also admit in the interview that you don’t “feel as fat as everyone was making me out to be.” And I couldn’t agree with you more — when were you ever FAT?

Apparently your new boyfriend, ex-footballer Eric Johnson, has helped you feel good about your voluptuous body — big boobs and all. “I’m much more confident than I’ve ever been in my life,” you said. “I’m much more at peace with myself.”

Glad to hear that at 30, and after one divorce and at least two loser boyfriends — John Mayer and Tony Romo — you’ve found a man that so far is worthy. But now, just relax. Your breasts and butt look just fine the way they are.

– Bonnie Fuller