There’s no excuse for dangerous temper tantrums, but after talking to anger-management experts, I’m convinced Chris has made progress and sincerely wants to be a better person.
When word spread like wildfire that Chris Brown had freaked out after his on-air interview with Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts, the chorus of voices condemning him — including some here in our Hollywoodlife.com office — couldn’t have been louder.
“He’ll never change,” ‘he’s a jerk,” “he’s a thug,” “he’s just a brute” were a few of the more damning comments I heard.
rtmp://streaming.hollywoodlife.com/ondemand/video/032411_bonnie_chloe_chris_brown.flv
And while I believe that Chris’ assault on his then-girlfriend Rihanna was unforgivable, I’ve always felt that everyone — especially a young person — deserves a second chance. People make mistakes especially teens — and Chris was just 19 at the time of the assault. He was a baby. It’s also a fact that when someone like Chris has grown up in a household witnessing domestic violence, they can learn terribly destructive behavior.
I’m as letdown as anyone that after a year of court-mandated domestic-violence counseling and six months of community service, Chris exploded after he was questioned by Robin about the Rihanna assault. But as I watched him apologize on the BET show 106 and Park on March 23, a day after freaking out, I felt that he truly was ashamed that he lost control again.
When he said that he was “disappointed in my actions,” I took him at his word. But what do experts who treat people like Chris with anger-management issues, say? Would they say that Chris is irredeemable?
“There’s no question that he overreacted to the interview and didn’t handle the situation well. It’s a red flag for Chris that he needs to do more work. He needs to add psychotherapy to deal with the deeper issues that are causing his anger,” says psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere, a contributor to healthguru.com. ”But I know he was disappointed in his actions. When people like him calm down, they become very guilty, embarrassed and disappointed in themselves because they know they lost control and did things that were very inappropriate.”
But Dr. Gardere also thinks it was unfair of Robin to push on the Rihanna subject: “I really believe Robin should have been a little more kind. He’s 21, he’s got anger issues, he’s a little immature. He came on to promote his new album. She didn’t need to push him quite so hard.”
Dr. Gardere also believes that the stress of being a public figure, carrying around the stigma Chris has and being in a cutthroat business, all puts Chris under even more pressure. “He’s also a kid who witnessed his mother and father in extreme domestic-violence situations. He’s been very damaged. I’m disappointed by how he handled this. But with more therapy, he can get better.”
Psychologist Dr. Lyle Becourtney, a specialist in anger management, agrees. ”I believe he can learn to control his anger if he has the motivation to change. But he must stay in therapy until he has complete confidence in himself, that he can control his anger.”
Anger expert Steven Stosny, Ph.D. and author of Love Without Hurt, believes that Chris’ anger is triggered by shame and that he was flooded with that feeling when his assault on Rihanna was brought up on GMA. “He was overwhelmed by feelings of shame, powerlessness and inadequacy,” he explains. ”He doesn’t know how to cope with these feelings still, so it comes out like a temper tantrum.”
Stosny believes that because Chris feels shame, he is very treatable. He can learn a different way of behaving. “He violated his own values because he hurt someone he loved — Rihanna.”
Unfortunately, Stosny points out, Chris’ childhood led him to make a connection between powerlessness and anger. He believes he felt powerless watching his stepfather attack his mother and that mad him angry as a child and frustrated because he couldn’t stop it. Now as an adult, when he feels powerless, he still responds with anger. Unfortunately, he’s surrounded by people in damage control mode focusing on his career and they’re not thinking about his emotional well-being.” But Stosny adds that he believes “Chris Brown doesn’t want to be an angry, violent person. He wants to be loved and be loving. He needs to go beyond traditional anger-management treatment and get more therapy,”
A fourth therapist, Dr. Gilda Carle, of www.drgilda.com, believes Brown has made progress. “During his interview with Robin, Brown held it together and even controlled the direction of the interview — he was gentlemanly, but he was not able to sustain it,” she says. “There’s hope for him but he’s got to continue to work at this. He needs people around him saying ‘This is not OK,’ and who will give him lots of love and support and will drive him to his appointments, too!”
So what else should he do that could be positive for him?
Dr. Gardere thinks Chris should take up GMA‘s invitation to go back on the show right away.
“My professional advice would be that this would be an incredible opportunity to have a corrective emotional experience. Go back and do another interview with Robin, where he can apologize and have that apology accepted, and then perform again. He would feel redeemed emotionally and personally,” stresses Dr. Gardere.
I believe Robin Roberts is actually on the same page. When she said “we wish him absolutely the best”, on GMA after doing a segment about his apology on March 24, I think she was very sincere.
When Chris apologized on BET, he ended by saying “I have to show them (his fans) twice as hard how I’m going to be better.”
If that is true, Chris– and I’m willing to accept that you mean it — then I hope you take the advice from the experts here. Get yourself into serious therapy with a counselor that you can respect and open up to and work hard. You can get over your anger-management issue and move on with your life in a much happier way.
And consider taking up that GMA invite to re – do your interview and promote your album, F.A.M.E.. You can do it and be gracious and impress the critics who didn’t want to give you any more chances!
Click Below To Watch The Video!
fan
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michelle
Posted at 8:19 AM on November 17, 2011
i love you for this article, everyone deserves a second chance, i feel chris has a lot of anger inside when growing up thats why we need to help him heal, we should forgive him so that he forgives himself and heal.i love his music and i will always support him. he works hard. from myside i think he should move on he must not date rihanna to prove he is a change man. i believe him he is good man.
vhulin
Posted at 12:11 AM on April 3, 2011
Loved the article and I agree with many of the points. What troubles me is the misinformation that society has about this whole situation. Chris is not a batter or an abusive person. What he is, is a damnaged individual who grew up in poverty and dysfunction. If you have NEVER been in that situation, then you can NEVER understand the amount of hopelessness that these people feel. WHAT CHRIS DID ON THAT NIGHT IN 2009 WAS BAD, VERY BAD, but consider this…He has know Rihanna for 3 years prior to their dating. They dated for 18 months. In those 18 months, SHE SAID he NEVER hit her or layed a hand on her. She pointed out that she had slapped him before. She too grew up in an abusive household and witnessed some terrible things. She too is damaged. She just chooses to handle her frustrations by avoiding them. I believe that Chris is very ashamed of his actions and that his NEW fame is getting to him. He has only been out since 2005 (this being his 6th year) two of which have been very rough. HE HAS NO PAST RECORD OF VIOLENCE. So I really wish people would stop making his past transgression so horrible. It was bad, but he didn’t break anything on Rihanna nor did he choke her to unconsciousness (go watch her interview again). If you take time to research things for yourself, you will find that ALL is not as it seems and that is probably why Chris is so angry about being asked about that night because for some reason, he can’t tell his side of the story and be relieved of his demons.
Rindy
Posted at 2:45 PM on March 25, 2011
The fact is we all are enablers of abusers because if we weren’t none of their movies, show, and music we would go see,or listen to their music. Look at the history of domestic abusers in the celebrity industry (actors, singers, and etc.) but none of them are told their career needs to be over or asking them questions about their past victims as an abuser.The reality is stop being the biggest hypocrite about Chris Brown period. He doesn’t have to be question for the rest of his life about him and Rihanna. You still support all the other celebrities and they did the same exact thing. Please go look at your music and movies go through them and see how many celebrities did the same thing that you have in your collections. If any of them demonstrated domestic violence than stop holding this over Chris Brown head.Just stop the madness.
saynah
Posted at 1:31 PM on March 25, 2011
For god sake, Why just people don’t leave him alone with this story.
How do everbody wants him to change or to be a good man if everybody at every interviews talk to him about Rhianna???
WTF???
He beated her once, he was punished so why come came everytime in this story. Nobody think that maybe he needs to accept what happened.
people are stupid, if someone close to you happen to him something like that you will help him in everyway, but not always aggressing him with stupide question about!!!
HE NEEDS SUPPORT TO FACE IT AND NOT AGGRESSIONS!!!
Ker
Posted at 10:18 AM on March 25, 2011
Sorry, no. Way to go enabling an abuser. Classic reaction. It’s always the woman’s fault for ” making him mad”. Robin Roberts should not have done her job and asked the questions people want to know( the restraining order was lifted by mutual request, have you seen Rhianna?). No, she should have lobbed fluff at him so she didn’t ” make him mad”. Because it’s not his responsibility to control his own behavior, right? Or was that the whole point of the anger management classes he was ordered to take.
people want to know whether the anger management classes fixed his problems or if he is still dangerously unstable.
And most importantly, a 19- year-old is NOT “a baby”
I expect every 19 year old in America to refrain from brutally beating choking into unconsciousness, and biting other people when they get angry.
Why, don’t you? If you get into an argument over a seat on a bus and someone beats you, chokes you and bites you, are you going to care whether your attacker is 19 or 42?
This is serious. Chris Brown is a young man, presumably he will have kids some day. Will he fly off the handle and release steam when his kid wets his pants or the bed one too many times?
He need to get a handle on how to control himself now. Now. Put the career on hold and make fixing his emotional problems priority number one.
He can have a life without a music career, he cannot have a life if he can’t control his anger and violence.
He can always go back to the career.
Sunday
Posted at 4:16 PM on March 26, 2011
Do you think that because someone has an 18th birthday their childhood trauma dissapears because the date on the calender changes???
befree
Posted at 9:22 AM on March 25, 2011
I don’t understand why he has to be called a ‘thug’ I just don’t get it. Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen, Justin Timberlake, George Clooney etc have all showed anger at on time or another and NEVER has any of them been labeled a ‘thug’. Point blank the label is being used because CB is black. Most commenting about him say he is a ‘rapper’ which tells me they don’t even know enough about him to even make a comment. The dude is a pop/r&b singer not a rapper. Yes, CB was wrong for letting his anger get the best of him especially at such a crucial time in his career and I hope he continues to get help. But he isn’t the first and he won’t be the last celeb to get angry and he certainly is not a thug.
Ker
Posted at 10:20 AM on March 25, 2011
George clooney? Are you serious? Chris brown split rhianna’s lip, he beat her, he choked her to the point of unconsciousness. He BIT her.
And you are wondering why George colony doesn’t get called a thug too?
Ker
Posted at 10:21 AM on March 25, 2011
My spell check changed clooney to colony
Anonymous
Posted at 12:27 AM on March 25, 2011
Well I kind of don’t agree with the young lady asking “how many chances is he going to get” as if he has had a million of them. He had a second chance after the Rihanna thing. Okay cool understandable I guess. I mean given the fact Rihanna herself said she wants him to go on and have a successful career I see no problem with that. Not to mention the first time it wasn’t just handed to him he had to put in some work. But then he throws a chair at a window. OKay it’s not alright. It was very stupid and immature and clearly he lost his cool but the way she said he has so many chances confuses me a little because throwing a chair is dumb but it’s not something to compare to the first incident. Now he does stupid things but in comparison to other celebrities his two chances(if you really deeply think about the chair incident) are nothing. Robin invited him back for a reason. She knows he is a good person. And like Bonnie said he was clearly disappointed in his own actions again. He shouldn’t be written off. And I don’t believe he is going to live on an abusive path. I hope he does decide to work out some of his issues. You can’t really say there is nothing still wrong with him. But I do agree with the experts on seeing him try and that he is showing improvement.
Tracie
Posted at 11:24 PM on March 24, 2011
Bonnie your argument is very thought provoking. I am a Chris Brown fan and I’m really worried that he’s cracking under the pressure of FAME. Many people love him and totally understand that he is young and needs to continue working out his issues. We all have issues so we should not point fingers but pray for the best. He’s a young and gifted man…I wish him all the best.
Me
Posted at 10:54 PM on March 24, 2011
The funny thing is, if these psychologists really knew what happened that night and what this kid was really holding in, they would be AMAZED that he’s been able to shoulder this burden at his age and hold it in at ALL, after these 2 YEARS of media bullying and hearing people judge him and wish him harm, simply based on what they “think” happened.
Rindy
Posted at 9:03 PM on March 24, 2011
Wow! We think we have the authority to identify what Chris Brown is.You do not know Chris Brown personally or know his past history enough to label or identify him as a batterer.Tell everybody on here including me that you are God and that Chris Brown battered more than one women.To everybody understanding only Rihanna was beaten by Chris Brown not every women in the world or every other women.It doesn’t matter if the women was black or white.We do not have the right at all to say who gets a second chance either. Hopefully none of us take our last breath tonight and die hating Chris Brown, because God really will not get us a second chance either.Hypocrites all the way.Missing what point? Your opinion as well is made of gold.
dee
Posted at 7:00 PM on March 24, 2011
I wonder if you would feel the same way if Rhianna was your daughter, or someone you could relate to. When Tiger woods cheated (he did not beat her up) on a blond woman, the whole world wanted his skin, but when someone beats up a black woman we should ‘understand and give him a second chance’?
What is wrong with this picture?
sunday
Posted at 8:39 PM on March 24, 2011
I don’t think you read or understood the article. What he did to Rihanna was horrible but it stems from his own childhood abuse which needs to be treated. He’s ashamed of feeling powerless and responds violently. That’s something that can be fixed but not if he is overall condemned at the same time.
What if Chris Brown was your son?
befree
Posted at 9:27 AM on March 25, 2011
OMG, you are so right. When the incident happened between him and Rihanna and the media was saying he grew up in an abusive household so he is an abuser my thought was no, he grew up seeing his mom get abused and he felt helpless to do anything. Then, he got into an abusive relationship–yes, the relationship with Rihanna was dysfuntional and abusive on both sides Rihanna said as much during the interview with Diane Sawyer—and just as a woman can ‘snap’ after taking so much abuse, I believe that CB snapped. Not making excuses but men can be abuse victims also.
doublestandard
Posted at 8:52 PM on March 24, 2011
no @dee. When Tiger Woods was beaten up by his own wife, people laughed at and bashed him for it. Domestic violence either way is wrong. But when a women grabs a 9 iron and beats her husband over the head with it, and he doesn’t hit her in return, he’s made fun of? Women will always be the “victim” no matter what happens. She was cheated on so she had every right to beat him up with a 9 Iron and if he’d had hit her in return we’d be talking about what a punk he is right? Whether the woman is the one getting hit or the one doing the hitting she is always made out to be the victim of the situation and no matter the story the man is made to be hated. Now whats wrong with this picture? Women ask for equality but whenever it comes up they want a benefit from being a woman. You don’t want equality, you want all the benefits and pay of a man but you want to be treated like a woman. You can’t have it both ways. Domestic violence is wrong in both ways. But no one talks about Tigers wife beating him with a 9 iron, they talk about Tiger cheating. So whats wrong with THAT picture.
if you are gonna be self righteous about chris brown and bring up Tiger woods its sorta contradictory to not bring that up.
It doesn’t matter who was beat, they were BOTH in the wrong. Tiger and his wife, Chris Brown and Rihanna. They both deserve second chances, point and fact. And Chris deserves a second chance because unlike celebrities like charlie sheen he actually owned up to his mistakes and continuously gets help for it. It’s a process that can take years to undue. You don’t know how deep rooted his emotions are nor should you act like you do while you judge him. He IS trying to become a better person and it’s a process, it won’t happen overnight. And in Anger Management class you are taught to channel your anger into inanimate objects, such as tearing up a pillow or breaking something. You are taught that because you have to learn to release it, once you get that down you ween yourself off doing it. And Im sure if you asked him why he did what he did in the studio he’d say he was releasing his anger which is what you are taught to do IN anger management class. It was just very bad timing and a bad location but the fact he acknowledges he was wrong for doing it shows he doesn’t like what he did. His album is selling out regardless and ABC wants him back and he will be on DWTS, so he didn’t HAVE to apologize, cause the station and such are still on his side, but he apologized anyway. That says something too. But it’s ignored by people that blind themself by their own self righteousness. Don’t sit there and act like you’re ultimately humble. Because when you act like you are you contradict yourself.
Niecy
Posted at 6:49 PM on March 24, 2011
I Agree with this whole entie article. he needs to surround himself with people that love and care about him. tell him he’s wrong but dont rub it in his face. i want chris to go back on gma apologize and work this thing out. i dont want people thinking hes a monster like you said chris doesent wana be an angry person nor violent he wants to be loved and loving.
sunday
Posted at 8:41 PM on March 24, 2011
The sad thing is that he is physically surrounded by personal aquaintances. At Good Morning America like all his events he was with his aunt, cousins,two best friends (male and female), and even his current girlfriend.
I don’t know what they said or did in that dressing room, but I don’t get it.
Schemix
Posted at 6:19 PM on March 24, 2011
Great article!! first of all.. as a fan of Chris brown I was more than disappointed in his actions yesterday he could have handled himself better but he averted to violence, breezy needs to relax and get some professional help and a group of people around him who really cares. Love him still
Gitana
Posted at 5:57 PM on March 24, 2011
Everyone is missing the whole point here. Chris Brown is a batterer. He witnessed DV as a child and is a batterer himself. Anger management is for anger and does not help a batterer. Batterer’s Intervention is more intense and teaches about controlling and manipulative behaviors. Batterers are manipulative and choose who they will or will not batter. They may beat their partner but not their mother or other female relatives. He has chosen to control himself before. Why are we blaming Rhianna. Regardless society needs to learn no one deserves to be beaten for no reason and unfortunately women are abused more than men and this goes for all races in society. Do not throw the race card out there. Batterers have a low success rate and therapy does not work the majority of the time. If it does, it takes a long period of time and usually the batterer leaves behind a long list of victims along the way including any children they may have who witnesses the DV. Batterer accountability is not taken seriously in our country including Hollywood that glamorizes domestic violence.
Bro
Posted at 5:51 PM on March 24, 2011
Spike….I mean Chris who?
Nigerian Lady
Posted at 5:37 PM on March 24, 2011
I do not understand all this rubbish, A man raised his hands against a cheap girl friend who gave him sexual transmitted disease and the whole world thinks he has an issue. Paris Hilton, Kim kardashian and others shows their virgins and had hardcore sex and showed it to the whole world but their is nothing wrong, Naomi Campbell dates a man she is accused of having no value or moral standard. Chris may have done something wrong but that is not who he is.
the problem here is that Rihanna has sold her soul to the devil for fame and They want Chris to do the same that is why their is so much attack on him. this is just a dame prejudice to always intimidate a bright star in the black race, heyyyyyy get this straight God did not create any superior race so stop dehumanising the black race with all this conspiracy.
Chocolatcream
Posted at 8:25 PM on March 24, 2011
I totally agree , and thanks for reminding people that Rihanna as sold her soul to the devil but whereas Chris B is still a Child of God ! thks sister
Im really sad of hearing how ppl could be horrible by saying stupid things on CB , When Charlie Sheen act crazy everybody like it and when a young artist is persecuted by the media for a stupid issues everybody star hatin’
No matter what ppl say I’ll pray for chris brown because only God can save him in this industry where the devil in everywhere !
Ker
Posted at 10:24 AM on March 25, 2011
Raised his hand? Split her lip, brutally beat her, choked her into unconsciousness and bit her with his teeth.
And it is her fault?
I don’t think so