Is sleeping with other people while you’re married strange or a weird way of assuring your love will last?
The world was shocked this week by a report suggesting that Will and Jada Pinkett Smith were ending their 13-year marriage and that she had been cheating with Jennifer Lopez‘s estranged husband, Marc Anthony, on the set of her show, HawhtoRNe. However, both claims appear to be false: not only have the two issued a statement stating that they’re still together, but she’s also denied a tryst with Marc. Also, it isn’t possible to cheat when you’re in an “open” marriage. But is this kind of relationship weird or just really evolved?
“Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural,” Will said in an interview. “You’re going to be attracted to people. In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others.’ The vow that we made was that you will never hear that I did something after the fact.”
He added, “If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it — but please approve of it.’”
Jada has also expressed her thoughts on the subject. “We always have people that we’re attracted to that we talk about. That don’t stop just because your married. Somebody’s always gonna catch your eye. That’s real. Somebody’s gonna always be prettier than me, somebody’s always gonna be more in awe of him than me.”
So OK, having an open relationship is a little weird. We, for the most part, have been raised to believe in monogamy. But is it worse to feel so confined in your relationship that your eyes wander elsewhere, you cheat and thus, screw up your marriage? Or is it better to be in love and sometimes seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere?
An open marriage is only for the highly evolved. It’s such a wonderful concept in theory — take the potential for straying out of the equation — but I don’t believe most women are wired that way. Jealousy and displaced anger could threaten this kind of relationship in the long run if the couple isn’t on the same page, or their feelings on the matter change.
Obviously an open marriage isn’t the norm, but you have to give credence to the fact that it might actually work. In 13 years, no report of infidelity or a troubled marriage has even scratched the surface of Will and Jada’s idyllic relationship — until now. Those are some good odds in Hollywood, where the average relationship is over in the blink of an eye.
Should you try it? Well, that’s up to you — and your partner. Life is all about different strokes for different folks, right?
fan
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Jessica
Posted at 10:23 PM on April 14, 2012
It’s just a cover up for their failed attempt at marriage- a way to save face. This concept of Open-Marriage is insulting to the institute of Marriage itself. Call it an open-relationship but don’t label it a marriage because it does not hold sacred any of the values that a marriage tries to uphold. This isn’t love, this is lust. It’s all about sex in a highly sexualized and selfish world. There is no honour in these relationships.
Ralph
Posted at 9:50 AM on May 24, 2012
Amen, well said. They need to get that twisted crap out of here. They’ve ruined their children’s perspective on a wholesome relationship.
theresa
Posted at 2:03 AM on November 27, 2011
i would like to know is it’s true what people are saying that you guys are splitting up?? well i feel that you guys should stay together because you guys make a cute couple.And also is it true that that you guys a have an open relationship? i really hope not because that’s fornication and that you guys are committing sin.And also what about your kids and do they have to say about of this and don’t you guys owe them an explanation,and what if one day they get married you guys are going to tell them that’s it’s okay to date outside their marriage.Well i just hope that’s it’s not true because i was hoping that you guys will never gat a divorce or committe fornication on one another.
kay
Posted at 10:45 PM on October 9, 2011
I ain’t mad at my brother and my sister, as long as they have an understanding and they are happy, If they want a little something on the side, It’s all good just protect each other at all cost,communication is the key.. sex is so over rated and such a small part of a relationship anyway. aparently they are two people that are confident in who they are as individuals. At the end of the day we live once. what makes you happy may not be for them. keep the family tight, keep the finance in the home. Everybody has an opinion about how someone should live..my only concern is other people are involved! such as thier kids! what kinda message are they conveying to them? could be confusing.. someone gets up with feelings, this kinda thing could become dangerous. not to mention incurable diseases…good luck guys..
Kate
Posted at 7:05 PM on September 25, 2011
Been in an open relationship for 10 years. Happy as always!
Works for many many people, we just don’t tell you who we are because of your judgement!
Geo
Posted at 11:53 AM on September 13, 2011
It shouldn’t be a big problem for them. I don’t think anybody’s busting the door down to sleep with either of them.
Christina
Posted at 3:12 AM on September 10, 2011
Hey Hey…i also wonder who all has will slept with?? im guessing every female he has ever been in a movie with…since he can’t control himself…i wonder if he also slept with that guy who he was having sex with in that movie he did a while back…lol!!!!!
Christina
Posted at 3:05 AM on September 10, 2011
its stupid…it’s just plain stupid…why be in the relationship in the first place…the point of choosing to be with someone is because u love them and want to be with only them…i get the whole “im attracted to someone else thing” but that is lust…something fleeting. u r attracted to potential great sex..nothing more..wow…whats wrong with just role playing with ur spouse if ur bored? damn…that’s the ultimate definition of the phrase having ur cake and eating it too right? i think it is not evolved…it is selfishness at it’s best..and i think this doesn’t even deserved to be classified as a marriage…it’s a union of two people who like to pretend to have a happy marriage upfront but who will screw someone else behind closed doors. its just nasty…and sexually immoral
Joe
Posted at 2:48 PM on March 24, 2012
Who are u to call someone immoral? Are u god?
ralph
Posted at 9:53 AM on May 24, 2012
Open marriage is immoral. ~God
Is that better Joe?
kaiya
Posted at 7:52 AM on September 5, 2011
that’s open minded…………
Lisa T
Posted at 11:31 AM on September 3, 2011
Open Marriage is an oxymoron! nothing more to say.
Terren
Posted at 9:43 AM on August 28, 2011
Marlene Dietrich’s open marriage lasted over 50 years.
dougla1
Posted at 2:29 PM on August 27, 2011
It’s quite evolved. No one owns anyone’s body. The operative word by the other is approval. Of course, these occurrences should be rare. The only caution is constantly relying on outside tryst for sexual gratification is not good. More that sexual intimacy is lost, the deep emotional connection for a couple cannot be sustained. But in those rare instances, it about complete honesty. Yeah, I’d do her/him is more than fantasy, it can be real once in a while. It could indeed spice up an unshakable love in a marriage. I approve.
olga
Posted at 7:56 AM on August 27, 2011
It’s just fake :) And sick.
nik
Posted at 10:35 PM on August 26, 2011
wow id never be in an open marriage i think when ur married its jus suppose to be u and that person only not having sexual encounters here and there that cud lead to some serious diseases jus saying i also think its wrong!!! MY OPINION WHICH IM OBLIGATED TOO!!!!
J.J.
Posted at 8:20 PM on August 26, 2011
I think the word you are looking for is “devolved”.
JasmineGld
Posted at 6:40 PM on August 26, 2011
> Also, it isn’t possible to cheat
> when you’re in an “open” marriage.
Not true.
Open marriage involves faithfulness to a different set of agreements than monogamous marriage. In an open marriage, a relationahip outside the marriage can happen without cheating.
But agreements do exist, and it is possible to violate those agreements. And that’s cheating – violation of the marriage agreements.
Selena
Posted at 9:46 AM on August 28, 2011
That depends on how open the marriage is. It could be wide open, anything goes.
susan
Posted at 4:14 PM on August 26, 2011
Open marriages get “dirty” do you see someone one night it turns into a “relationship” and on and one. Before you know it both spouses are competing dating other people. Not going to work. How do you keep H and W and kids separate?
This never works. Someone always falls in love with someone else and hurt is very likely.
Christina
Posted at 3:09 AM on September 10, 2011
I agree but i want to add that along with new feelings being explored…also the chance of an std and/or unwanted pregnancy (child support, baby mama drama) can come about…that spells SCANDAL no matter how much both will and jada say they advocate the “open marriage” BS!!!!