Warning: Don’t read if you haven’t watched the season finale of ‘True Blood.’ Things are about to get… spoiler-y.

Five deaths, two disappointed vampires and one unsettling return added up to a seriously mind-blowing True Blood season finale. And while I predict a lot of fans have a bad taste in their mouth after the Sept. 11 episode, I loved every minute — and more importantly — every twist.

Let’s start with death number one: Jesus (Kevin Alejandro!) Still possessed by Marnie (Fiona Shaw), Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) knifed his brujo lover in order to absorb his freaky demonic powers. He then silver-chained Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) to a pyre, and while I won’t poo-poo the gratuitously shirtless eye candy, I’d rather our vamps not be on the brink of death for once.

Fortunately Sookie (Anna Paquin), Tara (Rutina Wesley) and Holly (Lauren Bowles) arrived to save the day! Taking advantage of Halloween’s natural magic, the trio busted out a spell to use their dead ancestors against Marnie. I never thought I’d see Sookie’s little Gran physically pull a human out of another human, but hey, anything goes on True Blood.

Once the madness died down — pun intended — it was time for Sookie to deal with what really matters in life: choosing between Bill and Eric! Using her head, for once, Sookie confessed that even though she loved both vampires, her best option was to let them both go and see what a single life has to offer her. (Personally, I think her best option would have been another threesome, but hey, I just want her to be happy.)

Meanwhile, far away from the chaos, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) had themselves a hot little Halloween. After coming clean to Hoyt (Jim Parrack), Jason was free to ravage Little Red Riding Hood to his heart’s content. After she left, Jason was visited by another familiar face — Steve Newlin! He’s back, and he’s a freakin’ vampire! (Sorry, did I say Jason was “far away from the chaos?” I guess I spoke too soon.)

Arlene (Carrie Preston) finally got her long-awaited visit from René this week, but it didn’t go quite as she expected. Instead of attacking her, or even mentioning one word about the baby they share together, he came to deliver a warning — about Terry (Todd Lowe)! He said he’s seen the ghosts of Terry’s past, and that she should run while she can. Hmm… Could this have anything to do with his old war buddy (Scott Foley) showing up in Bon Temps?

Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck) also met her untimely demise this week, surprisingly, at the hands of King Bill. She informed Bill and Eric that she quit her job and was planning to rebel against the Authority, joined by a faction of vampires who have been plotting a move for quite some time. But it was her calling them both “puppy dogs” for Sookie that drove them both over the edge. And as much as I loved Nan, I think Eric said it best while standing over her lifeless puddle. “What a bitch.”

Methinks we got a taste of what’s in store for season five — and I’m kind of terrified. Alcide (Joe Manganiello) was called to a parking garage, where he discovered someone had dug a huge hole in the ground. Why, you ask? Judging by the broken silver chain Alcide picked up, I’m going to go ahead and assume our buddy Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) is back. And he’s pissed. So hide your humans and hide your fairies! We’re all in for a whole lot of pain.

And then there was that last scene — the one every True Blood fan will be talking about until season five premieres next summer. Sookie came home to find a shotgun-wielding Debbie (Brit Morgan), who ended up blowing a hole in Tara’s head when she knocked Sookie out of the way. And despite the she-wolf’s plea for Sookie to spare her life, our little fairy grabbed that shotgun and finally blasted her in the face — another moment fans of the book have been patiently waiting for.

Now tell me what YOU thought of the big finale: Did Sookie make the right choice? Will Russell be back in full swing next season? And which death shocked you the most? We’re in for a long wait until next season, so let’s start talking!

— Andy Swift

Follow Andy on Twitter for more True Blood

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