The TLC reality star was pregnant with her 20th child when her doctor told her Dec. 8 that he couldn’t find the child’s heartbeat.

What was supposed to be an incredibly happy day for Michelle Duggar turned into a very sad day for her and husband Jim Bob. The 45-year-old star of 19 Kids and Counting went for a check-up to find out the gender of her 20th child — and the doctor informed her she had suffered a miscarriage.

“After the appointment, we came back home and told the children,” Michelle tells People. “We had just been talking about baby names last night and they were getting excited about naming a boy or a girl. It has been a real sad disappointment.”

Michelle says she plans on holding a funeral for the child.

“I feel like my heart broke telling my children,” she recalls. “They have all been so excited about this baby and looking forward to April coming around and having a new little one in our arms. That was the most difficult. The Lord is the giver of life and he can choose when that life is ready to go on and be with Him.”

— Chloe Melas